I love this. The idea of talking about running out of letters only to run out of letters because that's the only thing you were talking about is a humorous concept. Though, I might change the opening line because it's a bit cliché. However, I'd understand if that was actually the point.
Tamar, I thought the way you've crafted this piece is ingenious. I love how condensed the poem is. The way you've managed to convey the speaker's tone is incredible, especially in the following line: "Hear me. Heed my plea." The use of alliteration works really well here! I would suggest changing the first line, making it a bit less "flowery" and cliché as Rachel P. mentioned in a previous comment. Great job!
This poem is a winner. It fits perfectly with the Twitter poetry approach: witty, compact, and making use of the medium to make a point. My favorite part is the very ending, which makes me smile and comes as a surprise. I agree with Rachel and Sophia about the opening line.
This is a small suggestion, but I think you might do better than "fast paced" in describing the Twitter stream. What about "scrolling stream"? Or you could go with "quickening stream." Anyway, this is an enjoyable read and one of the better Twitter poems I've read from a student at Stern.
I love this poem, Tamar! I read it as a subtle jab at twitter trying too hard to be place of poignancy, where everyone feels entitled to an opinion about something. I understand Rachel and Sophia's point about the first sentence, but I actually enjoyed it! I thought that the rhyme of "fleeting" and "heartbeating" worked well, and sort of contributes to the fast-paced nature of tweets getting lost in the blogosphere. My favorite line is "caged by a 280 word ceiling" where you managed to making some abstract highly visual. Also, the ending is so great and comical.
I love this. The idea of talking about running out of letters only to run out of letters because that's the only thing you were talking about is a humorous concept. Though, I might change the opening line because it's a bit cliché. However, I'd understand if that was actually the point.
ReplyDeleteTamar, I thought the way you've crafted this piece is ingenious. I love how condensed the poem is. The way you've managed to convey the speaker's tone is incredible, especially in the following line: "Hear me. Heed my plea." The use of alliteration works really well here! I would suggest changing the first line, making it a bit less "flowery" and cliché as Rachel P. mentioned in a previous comment. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThis poem is a winner. It fits perfectly with the Twitter poetry approach: witty, compact, and making use of the medium to make a point. My favorite part is the very ending, which makes me smile and comes as a surprise. I agree with Rachel and Sophia about the opening line.
ReplyDeleteThis is a small suggestion, but I think you might do better than "fast paced" in describing the Twitter stream. What about "scrolling stream"? Or you could go with "quickening stream." Anyway, this is an enjoyable read and one of the better Twitter poems I've read from a student at Stern.
I love this poem, Tamar! I read it as a subtle jab at twitter trying too hard to be place of poignancy, where everyone feels entitled to an opinion about something. I understand Rachel and Sophia's point about the first sentence, but I actually enjoyed it! I thought that the rhyme of "fleeting" and "heartbeating" worked well, and sort of contributes to the fast-paced nature of tweets getting lost in the blogosphere. My favorite line is "caged by a 280 word ceiling" where you managed to making some abstract highly visual.
ReplyDeleteAlso, the ending is so great and comical.