In middle school I was cool because I didn’t eat lunch.
I remember this rite of passage felt dishonest,
But I couldn’t articulate why.
So I let the girls who has refused to look at me sit with me
And eat my lunch.
And admire my refusal of it.
It didn’t dawn on me that I could share the reason why,
The medicine I took in the morning,
And the nausea I felt all afternoon because of it.
But twelve year old girls saw this as a superpower
And a free lunch.
I remember sneaking into the bunkhouse
Early mornings, after breakfast, before activities at sleepaway camp
To get some cookies, doctor’s orders.
I was sworn to secrecy by equal parts humiliation
And enjoying the attention.
And resenting the attention.
I wish I could have articulated why I thought it was wrong-
The toxic notions swallowed
From their parent’s dinner table chatter.
I wish had known they didn’t really like me
Before they took the all uneaten kit kats from my backpack
And tore up the nerdy book
I embarrassingly brought to their house
When I was invited.
But our worlds were hazier then,
And we were all just following what we knew and what we wanted to be.
So was I,
And my secret pills.
I like this poem! This is a strong start to the class. There are a number of things I admire about the poem: It reads very naturally and seems honest and real. Nearly everything in the poem is clear, and there is only one thing that confuses me (more on that later). Finally, some of these lines contain nice musical moments, such as the phrase "In middle school I was cool..." with its internal rhyme, or "toxic talk at the dinner table" with its consonance in the form of those t sounds.
ReplyDeleteI do not know what the blue pill is, though. Is the color blue supposed to tell me what it is? Is the speaker in the poem secretly taking birth control pills? Is it medication, alluding to a health condition? a drug? I guess I wanted to know.
Finally, although the rest of the narrative is clear, I would love to see you experiment with more descriptive imagery while still keeping this natural-sounding voice. That would be a good challenge for you in a future poem.
Hi! This is one of the concerns I had about my poem, so I am glad you asked. The author is taking ADHD medication, where there is a strong side effect of loss of appetite. I might need to think about how to make this more apparent, unless I should leave it up to the reader to decide. I didn't want it to be about ADHD as much as the effect of medication on young children. I am actually struggling with the challenge that you have mentioned, and I appreciate you articulating it! Thanks for the comments.
ReplyDeleteChana, this was a pretty powerful piece in that it spoke to the general complexity of a pre-teen "And enjoying the attention. / And resenting the attention,") but still pointed towards a very individualized challenge.
ReplyDeleteUp until you mentioned the medication, I was thinking anorexia. But after you gave us "the blue tablet," I figured it was ADHD, but it could be because I have another friend who also lacks appetite from her meds.
Thank you for the feedback! I kind of wanted to the beginning to be ambiguous and somewhat point towards disordered eating, which is what others thought it was and gave me positive attention on this account. I am still thinking about how to best describe the ADHD medication without making it focal point of the poem, looking forward to running any ideas I have by you and whomever else would like to look it over!
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